As part of a competition to win a free PDF drum chart from my DrumsTheWord Facebook Page, I asked people to tell me their funniest drummer jokes.

I was so impressed by the number of jokes that I had never even heard before, that I wanted to share them with you all as well. Some of them are really top notch and made me giggle a lot…happy laughing! 😉

• I’ve got a drummer joke but it’s hard to beat.
• How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart could’ve done it.
• How do you know a drummer is at the door? He doesn’t know when to come in.
• A drummer walks into a music shop with intentions of buying a new instrument. He has a look around and eventually says to the attendant “I quite fancy that red trumpet and that massive accordion.”, to which the attendant replies “You can have the fire extinguisher, but the radiator has to stay.”
• Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in his car? It took an hour to get the bass player out!
• How do you know when a drummers knocking on the door? The knock speeds up!
• My boyfriend it just like my drum set … I don’t have one.
• When drawl is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth, you know the drum riser is level!
• What does ginger baker and black coffee have in common? No body would like them without cream.
• Why didn’t the little drummer boy get into heaven? Because he woke the baby for Christ’s sake!
• How do you get a drummer to start playing? You start tuning the guitar.
• Why can’t the drummer play dubstep? His bass cost to much to drop it every time he plays.
• How is a drum solo like a sneeze? You know it’s coming, but there’s nothing you can do about it.
• C’mon, don’t be such a Druuuumeeeeer Queen!
• Ever heard about the snare and the cymbal that fell to the ground? BA DUM TSS!
• What’s the best way to practice drums on pillows ? …..4 strokes ‘per-cushion’….
• An amateur drummer died and went to heaven. He was waiting outside the pearly gates when he heard the most incredible fast and furious drumming coming from within. Immediately he recognized the playing and rushed to ask St. Peter if that was Buddy Rich playing drums inside the gates. St. Peter responded: “No, that’s God. He just thinks he’s Buddy Rich.”
• What can you do with someone really unmusical? Give him a pair of sticks, place him behind the orchestra and call him a drummer… But What can you do if he still sucks? Take one stick away, place him in front of the orchestra a call him a conductor.
• Why is a drum machine better than a drummer? Because it can keep good time and won’t sleep with your girlfriend.
• What do you call a drummer without a band? Unemployed.
• What’s the name of the guy who hangs around with the band? The Drummer.
• In a locked room, there was the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time. If you stick a $5 bill in the middle of the room who would get it? The drummer with bad time, the other 3 don’t exist.
• What’s the difference between a drum machine and a drummer? About 5 bars by the end of the song.
• What’s the difference between a drummer and a trampoline? You take your shoes off before you jump on the trampoline!
• Why does a guitarist put drumsticks on the dash of his car? So he can park in the handicapped spot.
• Three musicians and a drummer walk into a bar…
• A man once went on vacation to a far away island… Every night and day he heard drums playing a far distance away… One day he decided to search for the sound of the drums… When he found them, he saw a bunch of natives from the island in a drum circle…. He asked them if there was a reason they never stop playing the drums… The natives said very important…. When the man asked why, they said after drum solo comes bass solo.
• A bass player and a guitarist were seated next to a drummer on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. “Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the bass player bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.” “Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the guitarist responded, “and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man.” When the drummer remained silent, the guitarist smugly asked, “And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?” “Once,” he replied. “Only once?” the bass player arrogantly snorted. “And what did she say to you this morning?” “Don’t stop.”
• Why are all drummers so handsome? Cant be smart and handsome right?
• Why were drummers invented? To drown out the crap guitarist.
• Why are drummers better at math than guitarists? Cos they know how to count!
• An Indian chief and a cavalry captain climb to the top of a tall hill and look out upon the entire Indian tribe. The captain says worriedly, “I don’t like the sound of those drums.” The chief says, “I know. It’s not our regular drummer.”
• What do you do with a kid who can’t keep the beat? Give him two sticks and send him to the back of the band. What do you do if he still can’t keep the beat? Take away one stick and send him to the front of the band.

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